Picture this scenario, one you might have experienced: You’re a veterinary practice manager who, upon your Monday morning arrival, asks Lia whether she enjoyed her weekend. Lia immediately vents how things haven’t gone well with her husband for quite some time and that he asked for a divorce yesterday. And their son broke his arm, so she’ll need to drive him to school and home while he heals. Plus, she went to the Taylor Swift concert and drank wine as she sang her heart out to “Anti-Hero.” So much singing that she has laryngitis.
How should you react as the manager? Express sympathy? Tell her you can relate? Vent with her?
Which reactions are appropriate and which ones aren’t? Where do you draw the line between personal and professional conversations and employee relationships? It’s not easy.
Balancing the Boundaries
Successful workplaces allow a certain degree of sharing, which can help employees bond and feel safer. Managers who distance themselves from that activity might be seen as too remote and struggle to gain trust.
However, oversharing can be a problem, too. When it happens between an employee and you, as the manager, take a quick step back emotionally. For example, does Lia tend to overshare? Or was the weekend so overwhelming for her that the words burst out when you asked about the past couple of days? Is oversharing typical in your workplace’s culture? Did her reaction seem appropriate? The answers can help you decide how to respond.
Bonding between managers and team members is good, but lines must be drawn. What would happen, for example, if Lia were late to work the next day because she drove her son to school, or if she announced at 2 p.m. that she needed to leave and pick him up? She might think she had tacit approval because she told you about her weekend.
The Nuances of Oversharing
Oversharing can take many forms and might involve politics, religion, personal finances, drinking, gambling, grudges against co-workers and clients, and unfortunate life situations and decisions.
When it comes to religion, for example, an employee who criticizes a co-worker’s faith or tries to convert someone is crossing boundaries. However, a private conversation about adjusting the employee’s work schedule to accommodate religious practices might be appropriate.
Furthermore, a veterinarian’s sharing how much money was lost while gambling can be an awkward conversation. On the other hand, the interaction can be productive if the veterinarian seeks help for certain vices and asks for your support.
Managers should differentiate between the two situations. When a discussion crosses boundaries, you must know how to react.
Responding Professionally
When you respond to comments like Lia’s, be respectful, courteous and straightforward. You might say: “I’m sorry you had such a tough weekend. We’ll have to talk about the impact driving your son to and from school will have on work.”
If Lia continues to share details that appear to cross the line, you could add, “Although I appreciate you trust me enough to share this information, I feel uncomfortable as your manager with hearing so many specifics.” You could redirect the conversation to workplace matters and focus on possible solutions.
If an employee shares too many details about a personal issue that doesn’t affect job responsibilities, you could try to curtail the discussion. If that doesn’t work and oversharing persists, address the matter candidly.
ENOUGH’S ENOUGH
Veterinary practice leaders should set boundaries on employee sharing of confidential business information, including the reasons for personal time off and disciplinary actions. In addition, private information about co-workers and clients could become fodder for unwelcome gossip.